Thats a Lot of Spam

My local theatre is performing SPAMALOT.

SPAMALOT? Here?

Yes.

Wow. How bad is that gonna suck?

As you can see my friend doesn’t have high expectations, but I have hope. I have other friends who will be performing in the show so I bought my tickets for the play months ago and I plan on attending the 2:30 show this afternoon, which means leaving my house. It means going out into public. I understand there are people out in public. I don’t like people, in general. I especially don’t like large masses of people… like say a theater full of people, so I find myself hoping that the weather keeps people home. I don’t think that will be the case. I’ve heard that there will be a van load of 15 people driving in from the neighboring county Eeekk! The neighboring County?!

My anxiety is such that I am circling the theater in Google street view trying to find a “safe” place to park. Planning on arriving an hour before curtain so I can find a seat before the hordes of zombies, that is to say theater goers, burst in and eat my brains… or you know… sit next to me.  From the looks of it I may have to sit next to a stranger… This is not good people. We are closing in on a DEFCON 3 level of anxiety and as you can see from this totally scientific, definitely not something I found on Google image search chart DEFCON 2 is the “Knocking people over” level. Now, I realize that this chart is labeled “Bread and Milk”… but I think it is all transferable to an evening at the theater. Don’t you?

Truth be told, assuming I can find a Metkaf approved parking place and a non-deadly place to cross the street, everything will probably work out fine. I mean, this isn’t the first time I’ve left my house for a not necessary to sustain life trip so I’ll PROBABLY survive. Right? Anyone anyone… Bueller? Don’t all of you reassure me at once. It’s SPAMALOT for crying out loud! I KNOW!

Metkaf

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