Thats a Lot of Spam

My local theatre is performing SPAMALOT.

SPAMALOT? Here?

Yes.

Wow. How bad is that gonna suck?

As you can see my friend doesn’t have high expectations, but I have hope. I have other friends who will be performing in the show so I bought my tickets for the play months ago and I plan on attending the 2:30 show this afternoon, which means leaving my house. It means going out into public. I understand there are people out in public. I don’t like people, in general. I especially don’t like large masses of people… like say a theater full of people, so I find myself hoping that the weather keeps people home. I don’t think that will be the case. I’ve heard that there will be a van load of 15 people driving in from the neighboring county Eeekk! The neighboring County?!

My anxiety is such that I am circling the theater in Google street view trying to find a “safe” place to park. Planning on arriving an hour before curtain so I can find a seat before the hordes of zombies, that is to say theater goers, burst in and eat my brains… or you know… sit next to me.  From the looks of it I may have to sit next to a stranger… This is not good people. We are closing in on a DEFCON 3 level of anxiety and as you can see from this totally scientific, definitely not something I found on Google image search chart DEFCON 2 is the “Knocking people over” level. Now, I realize that this chart is labeled “Bread and Milk”… but I think it is all transferable to an evening at the theater. Don’t you?

Truth be told, assuming I can find a Metkaf approved parking place and a non-deadly place to cross the street, everything will probably work out fine. I mean, this isn’t the first time I’ve left my house for a not necessary to sustain life trip so I’ll PROBABLY survive. Right? Anyone anyone… Bueller? Don’t all of you reassure me at once. It’s SPAMALOT for crying out loud! I KNOW!

Metkaf

This is All Steve’s Fault!

Seems like if it drops below 20 degrees my internet goes out. There was a time when I would get angry and call customer service immediately after the outage and be a smart ass to the customer service rep, but I just can’t get angry anymore. I know that whoever I talk to on the other end of that line is probably reading from a script and is definitely just doing their job. It isn’t Steve from Omaha’s* fault that my internet went out and there is probably isn’t a thing in the world he can do to fix it. I’m also probably the 50th person he’s spoken with today, all of whom have been on hold for at least 25 minutes so he’s been yelled at most of those 50 people.

The last time I got an attitude with one of these reps was when he was desperately trying to up sale me on a premium package while I was calling him to report a service outage. I figure if they can’t get a basic package to work then I’m not just going to start bundling my phone and TV with it. It was only after I said no for what had to be 12,000 times** and he still persisted that I started to turn in to a jerk. So he made me do it. It was all Steve fault.

But it wasn’t Steve’s fault. Steve is just like the rest of us. He’s doing what he has to do to put food on the table. We’re never going to get a chance to yell at the people who are actually at fault so be nice to all the Steve from Omaha’s of the world because I can almost guarantee you that he wishes he was anywhere else.

Metkaf

* His name was not actually Steve and he wasn’t from Omaha.

** It was probably more like 3 or 4 times but it FELT like 12,000 so its still Steve’s fault

Snow Days

Snow days

Monday night it started to snow. Sometime Tuesday morning it turned into sleet. This means I woke up Tuesday morning to find 2 to 3 inches of solid frozen snow blanketing everything. This also means that, because I live in the south, that everything, including the library was closed. When it starts to snow down here we all panic and run around in circles waving our arms in the air.

Snow days used to be great when I was a kid, not so much now that I’m an adult. When I got the email that we would be closed for the day I said “Yes! Imma binge watch me some X Files!” What did I do? I watched me about 3 episodes of X Files and then slept the rest of the day. Seriously, I woke up at 4:30 in the afternoon. And if that wasn’t bad enough I slept wrong. You know sometimes you wake up and your neck hurts or your back is sore… I had all of it. However you are supposed to sleep I did the exact opposite. My neck was in such a way that I couldn’t hold my head up and my back was tied in such a knot that I couldn’t even stand up straight. I went into work on Wednesday looking like the hunch back of Notre Dame.

Oh and remember the part where I said I’d slept until 4:30 in the afternoon? Right. That meant that I was awake until nearly 3 am Wednesday morning. So I spent most of Wednesday just trying to stay awake. This is a long winded way for me to say that I really don’t care much for snow. Now, I could take responsibility for my actions and say that none of this would have happened if I had actually done something productive with my day off, you know, like read a book, write, exercise or anything really besides sleep. But because I live in a society where it is almost always someone else’s fault I think I’ll blame the snow. Stupid inanimate snow…

I didn’t even take any pictures! Stupid snow.

Metkaf

Calling an Audible

I became an Audible member about 4 months ago because I really wanted to read Andy Weir’s Martian but our copy was missing and I didn’t want to have to order a copy off of Amazon. I’m kinda lazy ok? Besides I had heard that you could get a free audio book just for signing up to Audible, so I did it. I downloaded The Martian. I think I listened to it over a weekend, great book! Then the next month came around and I got another credit. What do I do with my new shiny credit? I was like a kid in a candy store, only this store had a nearly infinite supply of candy. “Let’s be practical” I tell myself. I should use this to catch up on my nonfiction reading. But wait! This book looks really interesting, too many titles pulling my interest, I had to focus. I cannot waist these credits, they are precious… my precious. Too far? OK.

I looked into getting the discworld series because even though my friends have been after me for years to read them I haven’t. But Audible didn’t have the whole series. I didn’t want to start and not be able to finish. So I thought a bit longer. Finally I decided on Cheryl Strayed’s “Wild”. I had seen a trailer for a movie that was coming out and we had just gotten the Audio CD version at work so I decided to use my credit on that one. It was a good book. I did enjoy it, not as much as The Martian, but a good “read”.

Here I am at the beginning of another month with another credit at my disposal. What to read? I think I’ve decided to go with Stephen King’s Dark Tower series. I haven’t checked to see if Audible has it. (I’ll do that once I’ve finished writing) My friend tells me its bad. But I’m interested enough to give it a try at least.  I’ve read very little of Stephen King, but I like what I have read so far. I think I’ve decided to spend my Audible credits on books that interest me…. But not enough for me to actually pick up the book and read it. Again, I’m lazy. If you have any suggestions let me know!

Metkaf

Metkaf

Why So Serious?

I need to lighten up. Everything I’ve written lately has to be perfect, mind-blowing deep and inspiring and that just isn’t me. I’d like to think that at some point I have or will inspire someone to do something worthwhile, I’d like to say great but I’ll settle for worthwhile. I don’t think you can really plan those sorts of things, they need to happen organically.

I mean let’s face it, on my best days my writing is mediocre and the rest of the time it is downright abysmal. But I do see improvement. And really isn’t that all we can strive to do? Improve. Because if we do improve and we keep improving then one day we’ll be great at something. So I’m going to try to write every day, try to read every day and if I can manage, to exercise every day. If I can do that maybe one day I’ll be great a something too.

I’m still trying to figure out what this blog is going to be about. One day its photography and the next it’s about how boring my life is then I realize my life isn’t boring I have grand plans. It’s just that I’m stuck in a limbowie transitional period now where all I can do is think and plan which is amazing in my head… but not very exciting on paper or whatever the digital equivalent to paper is. Maybe one day I’ll share my dreams with the world but right now it is just the tiniest of flames which I must shield from everything for the fear that the world will try to blow it out for sheer spite.

Anyway, I’ve forgotten why I started writing in the first place. I think I’m starting to ramble…. So I’m going to leave it at this: Try to live everyday a little bit better than the day before it. If we can all do that then we should turn out OK.

Metkaf

Feral Librarian

I work in a library but I am not a librarian. In order to be a librarian you need a Masters in Library Science (MLS), which I do not have. I am what you’d call a feral librarian. Feral Librarian simply means someone who works in a library but doesn’t have a MLS. We have 6 full time staff only 3 of which have a masters. Our Director, Cataloger and Reference Librarians all have their MLS hence the title of Librarian. The rest of us are lowly Library Assistants. This includes the Public Services folks as well as the Technical Services folks. And by Technical Services Folks I mean me. My actual title is Acquisitions Assistant but I fall under the technical services umbrella. I order all the books and office supplies for the library. I stay busy. We go through a lot of paper clips, removable tape and surprisingly… staplers.

Every book added to our collection, unless it is donated, first has to go across my desk. This is both a blessing and a curse. I am the first one to see all the amazing books before they are ready for the studious engaged minds of our patrons which means I instantly want to read ALL of them. And I know what you’re all thinking. I’ve heard it a million times. “I’d love to work in the library! You guys get to read all those lovely books all day!” WRONG! We don’t have time to read them because we busy processing them cataloging them and making sure they go where they are supposed to. And what are we doing when we are not processing new books? Ordering new books of course!

This is not as easy as it sounds because being an academic library we have to be able to justify all of our book purchases. We must be able to answer questions like “Is this a valid source?” or “Is this information up to date?” Most of the time I rely on our Reference Librarian/ Collection development specialist to tell me what to order but she gets tied up with reference consultations and instructional classes so I end up having to use some super-secret library resources to help me narrow down the search results and then create a list of books to order.

These lists have to be checked against the catalog to make sure we don’t already own a copy. Once I’m happy with the list and it makes it through the approval process then books are ordered and the whole process starts all over again.

This is just some of what I do to fill my day. Being “Technical Services” also undoubtedly brings with it the occasional request from co-workers to fix a printer or unjam a copier but these interruptions are few and far between these days. I sometimes have to give the short Word or Excel tutorial. I always thought of myself as the Dr. House of the library.

A few times a year we also have to withdraw outdated or damaged material to make room for all these new books. I don’t have anything to do with these Weeding projects as they are called. I refer to the library as a living breathing organism because in order to stay alive we have to bring in new material and get rid of some of the old stuff.

I don’t write all of this to try to make it seem like I have it rough. I do not. Most of my days are spent looking at a computer screen where I create and evaluate lists, so it’s a far cry from splitting wood or working on cars for a living.

As for me being a “feral librarian” the only real difference is in the pay and advancement opportunities, there really are none for me where I am now and I’m ok with that at this point in my life. There are some things I need to take care of by the end of the year then who knows I may go back to school to get my MLS. Stranger things have happened.

Metkaf

PS: I know I keep saying books. We also have books on CD, a small dvd collection as well as an archives room and Baptist collection. As well as a growing graphic novel section!